For the last week and a half I have been struck by funny things to say about Portland drivers while on my way to work. Unfortunately, I didn't write them down, but as I am currently finding myself unable to write an exam review, unable to make myself do the dishes, and without a means by which to make this pear butter, I am going to attempt to write down some important facts to be aware of when visiting or moving to Portland. Some points are not exclusive to Southern California transplants, and some are not exclusive to just Portland but apply to other parts of Oregon as well.
Be warned that what follows, while potentially funny, is sarcastic and potentially a touch bitter. If you don't like negative humor, you won't enjoy this.
A Southern Californian's Guide to Driving in Portland, Oregon
The most important thing to know is that there isn't an individual born and raised in this city that has ever been in a hurry. Some will claim to rush and some will claim to care about the amount of time spent on the road (or in line at any store), but none truly understand what moving quickly really means, why its done, or how to accomplish it. In Southern California, speed limits are primarily for show. My average speed while a California driver was 75 to 80 (on some freeways this WAS the speed limit in which case I drove 90). There isn't a true Portland resident that has been in a vehicle moving faster than 70mph and when you do drive a vehicle this quickly with one in the car the result will either be one of exhilaration as if you were both on an extreme thrill ride at an amusement park or one of sheer horror. The average speed on the highway is between 50 and 55 mph, even on I-5, and it isn't uncommon to find someone moving at a slower pace than this. I often wonder if some residents haven't been clearly educated as to how the accelerator works in their vehicle.
This slowness includes speeds on the on-ramp of a highway. I was once stuck behind an individual entering the freeway at 35mph. This was somewhat atypical, but it isn't uncommon to enter at 40 or 45. For this reason, I am convinced that the other drivers on the road have no sense of timing to allow for merging traffic. If you are not moving at a near glacial speed, other drivers misjudge your entrance and force you to break (hard) in order to merge with the rest of traffic. It doesn't help that the lane provided for the purpose of allowing merging is unfathomably short at most on-ramps. It also doesn't help that trucks with THREE trailers are allowed on the highways here. I'm being completely serious when I say that you really must be extremely careful when getting on the freeway while a large truck is in the lane you wish to merge into. If they don't allow you time to merge in front of them and you don't slow down significantly, you will end up squished into the concrete barrier.
Another unfathomably short thing in the Portland driving world are yellow lights. Do not push a yellow light if you are more than 50 feet from the intersection. In Southern California, they have programmed the lights to allow for the typical speeding driver pushing the yellows. That is the majority of Southern California citizens. Here, however, you watch the walk signs for pedestrians more than you watch the lights (or at least the ex -Southern Californian looking to plan their most effective assault on the motoring world does). Most walk signals for pedestrians have a count down, and this is often a count down to the yellow. If you have decent vision, are driving the speed limit (generally 35mph), and can just begin to read the sign when its gotten down to 5 (maybe 4) then you won't make the light and its best to just take your foot off the gas at that point. If you can read the sign at 7, speed up, this is your cue to prepare to push the yellow. There is a grey area between 5 and 7 that is questionable and depends on the rest of your surroundings and the less aggressive drivers on the road.
Speaking of aggression, the next big issue is right of way. If I was concerned about education of the function of the gas pedal, I am catastrophically paranoid about what the driver education courses are teaching Portland teenagers about right of way. It is not uncommon for the Portland driver to be passive to the point of incompetence. As a result, you'll get honked at more than you have in any other city, but not because the other driver is angry. The other driver is simply concerned for you, themselves, or some other motorist. Until you become accustomed to the lack of speed and short lights, be aware that you will be honked at consistently and feel ashamed of yourself as a driver for no legitimate reason (especially if you learned to drive in LA county and managed to get honked at less than a handful of times in your entire driving history there).
Stop signs and unmarked intersections are by far the worst expression of this fault, however. Feel free to roll through stop signs (bearing in mind that honking that will ensue). The other drivers on the road will willingly give you the right of way because they don't understand how stop signs work and have been known to wave you through when they clearly got there first. If you do plan to make a full stop, as the rest of the residents do, and get to an intersection at nearly the same time as another motorist, feel free to take the right of way, the other motorist generally won't.
Despite my last two paragraphs, occasionally you will come across the insistent Portland driver. This driver will act as if they are oblivious to your existence. If you attempt to be aggressive against these drivers the only skill you have on your side is the ability to effectively use the pedals. You'll have two options: slam your foot on the accelerator or slam your foot on the brake pedal. There is no gentle solution. You'll come to these impasses primarily on the on-ramp of the freeway, as mentioned, but will occasionally find that a Portlander will misjudge your speed (because you are driving at a pace that normal humans move at) and change lanes in front of you.
Discussing lanes take us back to the highway.
Portlanders were never taught about the concept of a "fast lane". I-5 is the (almost) exception. Because I-5 is a main artery for drivers that live in cities other than Portland, the person you generally find in the left most lane is moving at least the speed limit if not faster and is almost always moving more quickly than the rest of traffic. If you happen to risk a venture on any other highway that is frequented almost exclusively by the Portland born drivers, all sense of order is lost. All lanes move at almost identical speeds at the best of times, and the fast lane is frequented by the same type of automotively challenged folks as the resident that entered the freeway traveling 35mph.
Then, of course, there is traffic. Traffic does exist in Portland, though not in any form remotely like Southern California. In addition, the traffic is usually without cause. Because changing lanes is so challenging for most residents, slow traffic will result during most hours of the day at any interchange. Curves in the road will also befuddle drivers that have not experienced high speeds as any force caused laterally by a curve is terrifying. This will cause traffic to slow as well. To their defense, some of the curves on the highways here have been designed poorly. One wonders if this was done out of general carelessness or a carelessness derived from a misunderstanding of automotive physics.
If you think that these challenges seem unreasonable, the challenges caused by weather for Portlanders are infuriating. You would think that a Portlander that encounters rain most months of the year would understand how to drive in it. The treacherous road conditions caused by rain in Southern California don't exist here because the stretches between rain storms is only ever a month at most in this city. Despite this, I believe that Portlanders all think that the road gets more slippery when it hasn't rained for two days. Its as if all knowledge of driving in rain vanishes at this point and the above points of idiocy that I've outlined double in severity. If more time than a week has passed, you may consider avoiding the roads altogether. This odd inability with weather also occurs if it becomes sunny, considerably colder, considerably warmer, or... basically all extreme weather change will cause chaos.
This concludes my guide to driving in Portland for the Southern California driver. I have discussed these points of annoyance with almost every person I've met here. The Oregonians, while they may agree do not comprehend my outrage. All non-Oregonians have exchanged equally sarcastic and outraged conversations with me. This fills me with reassurance that I'm not just an LA county driving snob. This doesn't mean I'm not devoid of LA county driving snobbery. Before living here I didn't know that Southern Californians are the only ones that use definite articles when talking about their highways in conversation. You'll notice that I said I-5 rather than "the" 5 in my blog post. Chalk that up to being a Portland resident. Sometimes I fear that my driving skills are going the way of Portlanders as well.
No recipes this week, though I did make pickled beets and some other tasty meals. Next weekend I hope to be canning and can share that experience with you. For now my sarcasm will have to be sufficient nourishment. I'm sure it fills your soul with hope.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
No Appropriate Title
This is going to have to be a quick and messy update. I likely won't spend much time proof-reading and editing this blog entry because I really need to finish typing my lecture notes for tomorrow. I could just skip the blog altogether, but I like to keep to a schedule with this (or I'll stop writing completely), I have some photos to upload, and I have news.
First, the news: Patrick is officially and gainfully employed by a local company called Free Geek. They are a non-profit organization that recycles and refurbishes old computers. There are some other functions that they perform, but those are the primary operations of the company. He had been interning there for a few months when a position opened up in the company and they asked him to apply. Friday was his first paid day and we decided we had to celebrate.
Some of you may know that we love Asian markets and Asian snack foods of all varieties. Patrick is immensely fond of bean cakes (sweet bean paste wrapped in mochi) and I find fish flavored crackers and dried seaweed to be more delightful than is sane. I bought these, because I had been intrigued by them since seeing something similar on the episode of Top Gear where Jeremy Clarkson races Richard Hammond and James May across Japan.
Look carefully. Those are tiny crabs that have been dried whole, likely fried a bit, and coated in a lightly sweet sesame flavoring. If you find the smell of fish nauseating, I don't recommend that you attempt to eat them. Patrick puts up with my love of things like this for some odd reason. I haven't figured out why.
We bought some other odds and ends things at the market, and came home well pleased with our bounty.
This was on Saturday night, and while we still have plenty of Asian snacking delights left, we did choose to try and use up our CSA box contents for dinner last night. We didn't transition back into the world of CSA right away upon returning from the holidays - as evidenced by the current state of our fruit bowl.
It has been a struggle to sit down and plan meals based entirely on the produce in our refrigerator. On Saturday, I finally broke down and emptied every last item from the fridge, cataloged our produce selection in my meal planning document, and washed out the crisper drawer which was in severe need. I roasted beets which I really need to pickle today, and made a plan of attack for the rest of the items in our stock pile.
One such recipe that would use one head of red cabbage was a recipe called Penne with Cabbage and Cumin. I was intrigued by the recipe even if a little wary. So we made it. I initially found the recipe here, but have altered it to be gluten free. A fairly simple feat in this case. My altered recipe is below.
____________________________________________
Gluten Free Penne with Cabbage and Cumin adapted from Almost Vegetarian by Diana Shaw
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 onion, thinly sliced
1 large carrot, peeled, thinly sliced (any color carrot will do fine)
2 cups shredded red cabbage
1 medium potato, peeled and sliced paper thin
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
4 oz. fontina or taleggio cheese, thinly sliced
3 cups gluten free pasta (macaroni or penne is best)
Heat the oil in a large non stick skillet (or use more oil if using a regular skillet) over medium heat. When hot, add the onion, carrot, cabbage, potato, and cumin, and saute until the onion is soft and limp, about 8 minutes. Cover and let steam until the cabbage is very tender and the potato has cooked through, about 12 minutes. Turn off the heat. (NOTE: This took a bit more time in my case, and probably a cup of water added periotically, but I have cast iron and it doesn't function the same as non-stick)
Meanwhile, cook the pasta according to package directions. Drain, then quickly toss it into the skillet, along with the cabbage mixture and the cheese. Toss briskly with two wooden spoons and serve at once, in warmed bowls.
____________________________________________
Clearly it was delicious.
First, the news: Patrick is officially and gainfully employed by a local company called Free Geek. They are a non-profit organization that recycles and refurbishes old computers. There are some other functions that they perform, but those are the primary operations of the company. He had been interning there for a few months when a position opened up in the company and they asked him to apply. Friday was his first paid day and we decided we had to celebrate.
Some of you may know that we love Asian markets and Asian snack foods of all varieties. Patrick is immensely fond of bean cakes (sweet bean paste wrapped in mochi) and I find fish flavored crackers and dried seaweed to be more delightful than is sane. I bought these, because I had been intrigued by them since seeing something similar on the episode of Top Gear where Jeremy Clarkson races Richard Hammond and James May across Japan.
Look carefully. Those are tiny crabs that have been dried whole, likely fried a bit, and coated in a lightly sweet sesame flavoring. If you find the smell of fish nauseating, I don't recommend that you attempt to eat them. Patrick puts up with my love of things like this for some odd reason. I haven't figured out why.
We bought some other odds and ends things at the market, and came home well pleased with our bounty.
This was on Saturday night, and while we still have plenty of Asian snacking delights left, we did choose to try and use up our CSA box contents for dinner last night. We didn't transition back into the world of CSA right away upon returning from the holidays - as evidenced by the current state of our fruit bowl.
It has been a struggle to sit down and plan meals based entirely on the produce in our refrigerator. On Saturday, I finally broke down and emptied every last item from the fridge, cataloged our produce selection in my meal planning document, and washed out the crisper drawer which was in severe need. I roasted beets which I really need to pickle today, and made a plan of attack for the rest of the items in our stock pile.
One such recipe that would use one head of red cabbage was a recipe called Penne with Cabbage and Cumin. I was intrigued by the recipe even if a little wary. So we made it. I initially found the recipe here, but have altered it to be gluten free. A fairly simple feat in this case. My altered recipe is below.
____________________________________________
Gluten Free Penne with Cabbage and Cumin adapted from Almost Vegetarian by Diana Shaw
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 onion, thinly sliced
1 large carrot, peeled, thinly sliced (any color carrot will do fine)
2 cups shredded red cabbage
1 medium potato, peeled and sliced paper thin
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
4 oz. fontina or taleggio cheese, thinly sliced
3 cups gluten free pasta (macaroni or penne is best)
Heat the oil in a large non stick skillet (or use more oil if using a regular skillet) over medium heat. When hot, add the onion, carrot, cabbage, potato, and cumin, and saute until the onion is soft and limp, about 8 minutes. Cover and let steam until the cabbage is very tender and the potato has cooked through, about 12 minutes. Turn off the heat. (NOTE: This took a bit more time in my case, and probably a cup of water added periotically, but I have cast iron and it doesn't function the same as non-stick)
Meanwhile, cook the pasta according to package directions. Drain, then quickly toss it into the skillet, along with the cabbage mixture and the cheese. Toss briskly with two wooden spoons and serve at once, in warmed bowls.
____________________________________________
Clearly it was delicious.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Christmas Presents, Food Photos, and a Story of a Pumpkin
Here is our pumpkin as of Friday in the early afternoon.
This pumpkin had been sitting on our kitchen counter for about a month. Prior to this, it had sat in our friend's home for some indeterminate amount of time.
I partly cut it open to see if it was still good, and I partly cut it open to use in this recipe. I love all winter squash, and I had some other variety in the wings if the pumpkin turned out to be misleading me. The pumpkin, it seemed, was fine.
The pumpkin in question was specifically a sugar pumpkin, or sugar pie pumpkin. I spent time researching this when I first became the new owner of said pumpkin. I considered making all sorts of dishes with this pumpkin before we left for our Christmas holiday, but simply ran out of the time and energy to do so. Speaking of the Christmas holiday, Patrick and I spent three weeks in Southern California enjoying the lack of weather. There were a few days when the temperatures reached almost 90 degrees. I was in heaven.
We spent the day of Christmas both at my parents' house and also at his. We opted to take the train down to his parents' in order to avoid holiday crazies and a two hour drive. This also set up the scenario for our parents to meet when my folks came down to pick us up.
But back to Christmas. More specifically, back to the presents we got at Christmas.
For Christmas, I got a new digital camera from my parents. Patrick got the new Zelda game, Skyward Sword. From his parents we got some wonderful gloves and I got a scarf that I have already put to excellent use. Among these and other things, we also got some mesquite powder. Little was Patrick's mother aware that I have been mildly obsessed with this powder since I discovered gluten free food blogs. Specifically the blog Gluten Free For Good. Early on in my change to a gluten free life, I came across a recipe for chocolate chip cookies that called for mesquite powder and used duck eggs. At the time, we had procured some duck eggs from I don't remember where. None of them were used for baking that I recall, which is unfortunate as their yolks are much bigger and they have a richness that you can't get out of chicken eggs. I believe they were eaten on their own... not really advisable, I assure you. As we never again procured duck eggs, I also never got around to purchasing mesquite powder.
On Saturday I set out to toast my pumpkin seeds that I had scooped from the flesh of my pumpkin and rinsed the day before (See how awesome my new camera is?!). I used the recipe found here, which is the site of a local pumpkin patch. I used the savory recipe and real butter. After they had baked, I finished them off with some salt, a little freshly ground pepper, and a dash of chili powder. They were completely fabulous!
I also wanted to make cookies using the mesquite powder. I did not have chocolate chips or duck eggs, but I did have gluten free oats and golden raisins. I went in search of a recipe that called for ingredients that I had on hand. I came across this site, and on it was a recipe for Mesquite Oatmeal Raisin Cookies. These turned out fabulously made with Cup4Cup as a direct substitute for All-Purpose flour and the Mesquite powder adds a hint of chocolatey-ness to the cookies. The cookies were so delicious that I never managed to take a picture of them as a finished product.
For dinner, I made the gnocchi recipe mentioned above. These were also too delicious to bother taking a picture of the finished product... whoops.
In the future, I hope to be more diligent about documenting my food preparation since I have such a nice camera to do the documentations! For now, however, this will have to do. You should know that it has taken me three drafts of blogs and the last two days to finally get something new posted. I hope to be back to my regular schedule from now on.
As a parting gift, here are some more pictures of food.
... and a strange picture of my home that I took while playing with my camera...
This pumpkin had been sitting on our kitchen counter for about a month. Prior to this, it had sat in our friend's home for some indeterminate amount of time.
I partly cut it open to see if it was still good, and I partly cut it open to use in this recipe. I love all winter squash, and I had some other variety in the wings if the pumpkin turned out to be misleading me. The pumpkin, it seemed, was fine.
The pumpkin in question was specifically a sugar pumpkin, or sugar pie pumpkin. I spent time researching this when I first became the new owner of said pumpkin. I considered making all sorts of dishes with this pumpkin before we left for our Christmas holiday, but simply ran out of the time and energy to do so. Speaking of the Christmas holiday, Patrick and I spent three weeks in Southern California enjoying the lack of weather. There were a few days when the temperatures reached almost 90 degrees. I was in heaven.
We spent the day of Christmas both at my parents' house and also at his. We opted to take the train down to his parents' in order to avoid holiday crazies and a two hour drive. This also set up the scenario for our parents to meet when my folks came down to pick us up.
But back to Christmas. More specifically, back to the presents we got at Christmas.
For Christmas, I got a new digital camera from my parents. Patrick got the new Zelda game, Skyward Sword. From his parents we got some wonderful gloves and I got a scarf that I have already put to excellent use. Among these and other things, we also got some mesquite powder. Little was Patrick's mother aware that I have been mildly obsessed with this powder since I discovered gluten free food blogs. Specifically the blog Gluten Free For Good. Early on in my change to a gluten free life, I came across a recipe for chocolate chip cookies that called for mesquite powder and used duck eggs. At the time, we had procured some duck eggs from I don't remember where. None of them were used for baking that I recall, which is unfortunate as their yolks are much bigger and they have a richness that you can't get out of chicken eggs. I believe they were eaten on their own... not really advisable, I assure you. As we never again procured duck eggs, I also never got around to purchasing mesquite powder.
On Saturday I set out to toast my pumpkin seeds that I had scooped from the flesh of my pumpkin and rinsed the day before (See how awesome my new camera is?!). I used the recipe found here, which is the site of a local pumpkin patch. I used the savory recipe and real butter. After they had baked, I finished them off with some salt, a little freshly ground pepper, and a dash of chili powder. They were completely fabulous!
I also wanted to make cookies using the mesquite powder. I did not have chocolate chips or duck eggs, but I did have gluten free oats and golden raisins. I went in search of a recipe that called for ingredients that I had on hand. I came across this site, and on it was a recipe for Mesquite Oatmeal Raisin Cookies. These turned out fabulously made with Cup4Cup as a direct substitute for All-Purpose flour and the Mesquite powder adds a hint of chocolatey-ness to the cookies. The cookies were so delicious that I never managed to take a picture of them as a finished product.
For dinner, I made the gnocchi recipe mentioned above. These were also too delicious to bother taking a picture of the finished product... whoops.
In the future, I hope to be more diligent about documenting my food preparation since I have such a nice camera to do the documentations! For now, however, this will have to do. You should know that it has taken me three drafts of blogs and the last two days to finally get something new posted. I hope to be back to my regular schedule from now on.
As a parting gift, here are some more pictures of food.
... and a strange picture of my home that I took while playing with my camera...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
An Update of Job Applications
Patrick and I are both spending part of today updating our resumes and constructing cover letters. For me, this means sending said letter to my mother and having her proof read it for superfluousness and spelling/grammar errors.
My father intercepted this message and to the final draft added his own second paragraph. He assures me that no one will read to this paragraph and that if they did they would have a smile on their face the rest of the day. I opted to send my version instead of his, but could help but laugh hysterically at his addition.
So, without further ado and for your reading pleasure, please enjoy the first two paragraphs of my recent cover letter for a job application. I have changed some names to protect the innocent (and deleted the rest to save myself the embarrassment of sharing a fluffy cover letter):
________________________________________
My father intercepted this message and to the final draft added his own second paragraph. He assures me that no one will read to this paragraph and that if they did they would have a smile on their face the rest of the day. I opted to send my version instead of his, but could help but laugh hysterically at his addition.
So, without further ado and for your reading pleasure, please enjoy the first two paragraphs of my recent cover letter for a job application. I have changed some names to protect the innocent (and deleted the rest to save myself the embarrassment of sharing a fluffy cover letter):
________________________________________
January 8, 2012
Dear Hiring Committee,
Please accept my application for the Mathematics Instructor Full-Time Faculty position. I completed my Master’s of Science in Teaching Mathematics degree program in August of 2011 at (blah blah blah). My curriculum thesis for my graduate work was in statistics education. In addition, I have taught mathematics courses part-time at (blah blah blah) since March 2010 including Basic Math, Introductory Algebra, College Algebra, and Statistics I. My current teaching assignment for Winter 2012 includes Statistics II and Intermediate Algebra. My education and teaching experience make me a strong candidate for meeting your position needs.
In the beginning there was magic and mystery, mathematics came along on the eighth day of creation; Math teachers on the ninth day. Insert here all the wonderful accomplishments of mathematics that have followed. As part of this grand scheme, I stand in front of confused and dazed adults, who wish they were somewhere else and use all the wonderful implements you provide to attempt to beat this greatness into their frontal lobes. I’m hoping for eventual electrical brain wave transfer from the frontal to left and right (artist types) lobes. For those student with laptops and Ipads as extremities in place of hands, fingers and arms, I am ready to Quixote my way forward into the technology age and offer them a ride on my Rocinante de Mathematica. They must bring their own lance for tilting, or a pencil may work equally well.
...
_______________________________________________
Thanks Dad!
There is a part of me that wishes I had the guts to send something like this to my employers. There is also a part of me that thinks they will be convinced I am crazy, not funny, if they happened to read it.
I also realized when I posted this here that there is a mistake and I have already uploaded it to my application and cannot take it back.
C'est la Vie.
_______________________________________________
Thanks Dad!
There is a part of me that wishes I had the guts to send something like this to my employers. There is also a part of me that thinks they will be convinced I am crazy, not funny, if they happened to read it.
I also realized when I posted this here that there is a mistake and I have already uploaded it to my application and cannot take it back.
C'est la Vie.
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