An Update of Job Applications

Patrick and I are both spending part of today updating our resumes and constructing cover letters. For me, this means sending said letter to my mother and having her proof read it for superfluousness and spelling/grammar errors.

My father intercepted this message and to the final draft added his own second paragraph. He assures me that no one will read to this paragraph and that if they did they would have a smile on their face the rest of the day. I opted to send my version instead of his, but could help but laugh hysterically at his addition.

So, without further ado and for your reading pleasure, please enjoy the first two paragraphs of my recent cover letter for a job application. I have changed some names to protect the innocent (and deleted the rest to save myself the embarrassment of sharing a fluffy cover letter):

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January 8, 2012

Dear Hiring Committee,

                Please accept my application for the Mathematics Instructor Full-Time Faculty position. I completed my Master’s of Science in Teaching Mathematics degree program in August of 2011 at (blah blah blah). My curriculum thesis for my graduate work was in statistics education. In addition, I have taught mathematics courses part-time at (blah blah blah) since March 2010 including Basic Math, Introductory Algebra, College Algebra, and Statistics I. My current teaching assignment for Winter 2012 includes Statistics II and Intermediate Algebra. My education and teaching experience make me a strong candidate for meeting your position needs.

                In the beginning there was magic and mystery, mathematics came along on the eighth day of creation; Math teachers on the ninth day.  Insert here all the wonderful accomplishments of mathematics that have followed. As part of this grand scheme, I stand in front of confused and dazed adults, who wish they were somewhere else and use all the wonderful implements you provide to attempt to beat this greatness into their frontal lobes. I’m hoping for eventual electrical brain wave transfer from the frontal to left and right (artist types) lobes. For those student with laptops and Ipads as extremities in place of hands, fingers and arms, I am ready to Quixote my way forward into the technology age and offer them a ride on my Rocinante de Mathematica. They must bring their own lance for tilting, or a pencil may work equally well.

...
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Thanks Dad!

There is a part of me that wishes I had the guts to send something like this to my employers. There is also a part of me that thinks they will be convinced I am crazy, not funny, if they happened to read it.

I also realized when I posted this here that there is a mistake and I have already uploaded it to my application and cannot take it back.

C'est la Vie.